CHOICES

It was late morning when Katherine Dixon came knocking on Lilly's door. The idea was to come ask her for some suggestions about the coffee shop that she was going to open, but what Katherine really wanted was a good excuse to come see the baby.

Lilly quickly buttoned her nursing dress up as she walked to the door. Nicky had just finished his "lunch" and was snuggled down in his playpen in the solarium for his afternoon nap. Lilly couldn't imagine who was paying her a visit at this time of the day, but she prayed it was someone who could stay for awhile. She hadn't considered how lonely being a new mother sometimes is, and she craved conversation with someone over the age of two months old. Therefore she was delighted when she opened the door and there stood Katherine. Lilly had been wanting to ask SC's newest resident some very important and very private questions but just hadn't gotten up the courage to approach her. Now, like an answer to prayer, here was Katherine on her very doorstep.

Katherine smiled brightly at Lilly when she open the door. She had meet her once before briefly at Joe's bar and really wanted to get a chance to know her better. "Hi Lilly! Am I here at a bad time? I would like to have a little chat with you if I could if it is not inconvenient."

"Katherine, come in," Lilly said enthusiastically. "Have you had lunch? Would you like to stay? Oh, yes! I'd love to talk with you. I've been... well, actually I've been wanting to talk to you, too."

Lilly literately pulled the beautiful Immortal into Rose House and escorted to view the "Little Prince", as Joe called Nicholas, in the solarium. Katherine knelt down on the floor next to the playpen where the baby slept away, a soft smile on her face as she looked him over. "He's beautiful, Lilly. He really is." Rising to her feet she turned to look at the baby's mother. "But how are you feeling?" she could sense the tired, restless feeling from the nursing mother and knew there was something deeply troubling her.

Surprisingly, even to Lilly, her eyes filled with tears. Gulping hard, she whispered, "Things are all a muddle, Katherine; and Nicky's birth... it was awful. Nothing like I thought it would be. We nearly died!" Then biting her lip, Lilly took a quick breath and tried to pull herself together. "Sorry, must be those post-partum hormone fluctuations everyone's been telling me about. Please sit down and I'll get us some drinks. And how about some lunch? Are you hungry?"

Katherine reached out and pulled Lilly close to her, giving her a hug as the woman tried to fight back the tears. She broadcasted emotional reassurance and support towards her as she held her for a moment till some of the storm had past. "No, Lilly. I don't need anything. But apparently you do. Lets sit down and we will talk about it, ok?"

Lilly dropped her head in shame that she was being such a baby in front of a guest... and a virtual stranger at that, but she just couldn't help it. She needed someone to talk to, and for some reason, Lilly felt that Katherine had all the answers she needed. "Thanks," Lilly mumbled as she slumped down in the big over-stuffed chair next to her son. "But you're my guest. Your first."

Katherine just grinned and pulled up a chair next to the one Lilly was sitting in, and reached out and squeezed her hand. "If I need something I will ask, but I'm ok right now. I just had a late breakfast with Connor before he had to go down to the mall so I have no need of food or drink right now. I wanted to talk to some of you ladies living here in SIMsCity about things you would like in the coffee shop I'm going to be running, and you just stuck in my mind for some reason. Maybe the good Lord wanted me here for other reasons that just that" The petite immortal ran her fingers through her short blonde hair and tipped her head to the side for a moment as if she was listening to a far off voice. "Anyway, I am here. So tell me what is on your mind"

Lilly couldn't get over how comfortable she felt with Katherine ... as if she was meeting her long lost sister. The bond was immediate and sure. "Well, I can think of two people we have in common that perhaps we both would like to talk about: Joe and Doc. Ben is my friend, but he's been acting .... well, sort of weird lately. I hear, too, that he hasn't been his gentle romantic self with you especially. I just wanted you to know that friendship or no, *I* don't tolerate such behavior and I'll .... have a word with Ben, shall we say, if you want me too." Lilly grinned letting Katherine know that their conspiracy wouldn't harm anything on Ben but perhaps his pride. But then, her smile faded. //Maybe I shouldn't have spoken about Joe. They have obviously become close friends since she started singing at his bar. When she finds out how badly I've treated him lately, she'll despise me for sure!// Without explanation, Lilly covered her face with her hands and began to cry. She was so upset, in fact, she didn't even notice Katherine's gentle mental probing into her heart and mind.

The little empath keep her hand on Lilly's slumped shoulders as she cried, giving her mental support and strength. She could feel it start to flow in her and the kindness behind it was almost overwhelming. Here was an almost complete stranger willing to open herself up to help her without any reservations at all! After a long moment she raised up and wiped her tearstained face, knowing that somehow Katherine understood everything. Katherine reached out and gave her another hug before chuckling quietly to herself "Ah, Ben. Sweet Ben. Things are ok between us now. Really they are. We worked it out. And I don't think he will ever act that way towards me again."

Lilly gave a little shiver. "I'm glad. I wasn't looking forward to taking him to task. He is so... delicate? He has a special soul and you have to tread lightly around it. It's been terribly damaged." Smiling for real this time, Lilly sat up and squeezed Kate's hand. "Thanks, I needed that; but maybe I should explain why I burst into tears on you."

Katherine looked thoughtful for a moment, then spoke quietly. "If you want to explain, I will listen. But sometimes we just need to cry. I've been doing a lot of it myself lately." A far away look crossed her face for a second before she continued on. "But I'm learning I can't let the past control me. Darius pounds that into my head every time we meet." She smiled softly and continued. "But most of all we can't keep all this stuff bottled up inside. Sooner or later it festers and causes nothing but grief."

At the mention of her adopted father, Lilly flinched. Looking squarely at Kate, she stated in a hollow voice, "My father doesn't approve of me anymore. He's been 'pounding' some things into my head, too, and unfortunately, he's not been his usual gentle, understanding self about it either. It's not a pleasant thing when the man you admire most in the world calls you a whore." Again, the tears threatened to overflow.

Katherine mumbled something in Gaelic that sounded vaguely like a curse, and a fierce look flashed across her face. Lilly had the feeling that Darius was going to hear what Katherine thought of that comment in no uncertain terms the next time they met. Then the stormy look quickly passed and Katherine grinned slightly. "You should have heard some of the names Connor called me when I refused to learn how to use a sword right after I became an immortal. He said them in anger. And now over 400 years later he regrets them deeply because they drove a wedge between us that took a long time to completely remove." Katherine shook her head, remembering that painful time in her life when she and Connor were not speaking to each other at all, both of them too stubborn to admit they were wrong. "And knowing Darius, he probably regrets saying those words to you just as deeply if not more so."

Lilly still looked forlorn. "I only wish that were true, but he's right, Katherine. You see, I'm Ian Tully's mistress." Her voice cracked as she choked out the last word and her chin quivered in a vain attempt to keep herself from bursting into tears again. "And Joe! Katherine, I know no one believes this, but I adore him! My Blue is the world to me. And even if he wasn't, he is Nicky's father and by that very fact deserves my respect and loyalty." Lilly leaped from her chair and began to pace. As if still connected, Nicky stirred uneasily in his playpen, whimpering and clenching his tiny fists. His mother paced and mirrored his movements, clenching her fists. Katherine glanced over at the baby and then back to his mother, feeling the tight bond between them. "How can I say I love Joseph so much when everytime I get near Ian I.... I...." She couldn't finish. She only turned away from her new friend and stared, unseeing, out into the garden. "I know you and Joe are close friends now. I bet you agree with Poppa now that you know everything."

Katherine stood up and walked over to Lilly, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her back to where she had been sitting. "Sit!" she said firmly, in a voice that rang with authority. Surprisingly, Lilly found herself doing so immediately. She suddenly had a mental picture of her little friend wearing a nun's habit and standing up in front of a large classroom of children, fully in control. Katherine stood in front of her and took her face in between her hands and tipped it up so they made eye contact. "Let me get this one thing straight! You are not and never have been a *whore*. You are a gentle and caring woman who maybe made some bad choices in your life.", she said firmly and with great conviction.

"We all make mistakes. some of them incredibly stupid ones. But that does not make us a *bad* person." Katherine's stern look softened into a smile again. "Even priests make mistakes, and contrary to public opinion Darius is not a saint. He is a man. A man capable of making idiotic choices just like the rest of us."

Lilly was amazed but not convinced..... yet. "But Poppa has always taught me that 'to those who have been given much, much is required.' He said I had to live by a higher standard so I could be a role model." Lilly sighed. She suddenly felt exhausted. "I don't know what kind of role model he expects me to be in a city full of adults. But maybe that's just a cop out."

Lilly looked up at Katherine pleadingly. "Even Poppa's friend who came to visit last year, when Poppa told him who.. or rather *what* I was, even he called me 'an abomination' and said I should be destroyed before I hurt somebody." Lilly shivered and rubbed her eyes as if to erase the memory that danced before her. "Poppa threw him out, but things have never been quite the same since. Then Methos and Poppa ran Caspian out of town when he got close to me. That was a horrible. Oh Katherine, every relationship I've ever had since I moved here has been a disaster! Maybe I should go back to the convent where I belong. But now I can't." And she looked over at Nicky. The baby began to cry softly in his sleep. Lilly blinked in amazement. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" she cooed as she hurried over to him. "Kate, could you help? I don't know what's wrong with him. Nicky never cries when he takes a nap. In fact, Nicky never cries, except when he's hungry, and that's not really a cry, cry. Understand?"

Katherine reached over and touched the baby gently, crooning softly to him. Nicky shifted positions and went back to sleep under the influence of her calming voice. Katherine glanced up and smiled. "He is mentally connected to you, he was crying because you are upset. The little laddy will probably have some strong emphatic abilities when he grows older." Lilly could not help but notice how tenderly the immortal woman gazed upon her son and the calming effect of her touch.

Taking her by the hand she led her back to the chair again and sat her down. "Answer me this then, Lilly." she said quietly. "Are you perfect?"

Lilly actually jerked. "Why, goodness, no!" she gasped. "Far from it and getting farther all the time, if you listen to Poppa."

"If you are not perfect, then you are human like the rest of us. Thank God for that." Katherine smiled again. "Now knowing you are not perfect, can you ever be so?" a touch of amusement tinged her voice as she strove to make her point clear.

"No, I'm half human; and even if I wasn't, such striving is prideful and pride is the sin of the devil. I really would be going from bad to worse!" Lilly gave Katherine a crooked grin which she returned happily. "OK," she blushed, "I'm fighting shadows here, aren't I?" She stood up and gave her new friend a hug. "Thanks for the reality check," she said as she blushed again. "Whew! Quite a relief when you remember the world doesn't revolved around you all the time," Lilly giggled; but then getting serious again, "But Kate, what am gonna do about Joe? I don't want to hurt him."

"You know you are not perfect. You know you can never be perfect. That's a big start to getting your life on the track where it should be. Forget about Darius for a moment. I want you to hold out your hands. In one hand is Ian. and in the other is Joe. You can keep driving yourself crazy trying to balance those two uneven loads or you can make a choice. Now close your eyes and imagine them both in your hands. Then decide what you want, what you really, truly need", Katherine smiled encouragingly, trying to drive the object lesson into Lilly's heart.

Lilly backed away. "No, no I can't! Joe and Nicky are my life, my heart, but Ian... Ian..." Suddenly her eyes narrowed and she tilted her head as she began to consider the two in spite of her protests. "Ian is.... an obsession!" She said the word with distaste. "Oh Ian," she moaned as the tears came again. "Why? Why won't you break from Mousse? Why must things be your way or no way? Ian... " Lilly slumped back down in her chair, crying softly. "Oh Ian..." she repeated.

Katherine pulled her into her arms again and looked into her eyes, "I was Ben's obsession. It came real close to destroying him. He wanted something I was not ready to give him and he got to the point where he was going to take it anyway." She sighed deeply, "I'm not going to sprout church doctrine at you, but trying to cling to someone who is not willing to belong to you fully is self destructive behavior. Talk to Ben about that. He has first hand experience in dealing with obsessions."

Lilly clung to Kate's embrace for a moment longer then leaned back to see her face. "Ahhh, yes, I saw how you made your point with Ben," she grinned, remembering the distraught immortal coming to her with a broken nose that she had straightened for him. "He came to me to patch him up because he didn't want to have to come up with any explanations at the Clinic. Besides, if Methos had found out, he'd have had Caspian make Doc stew! As for Ian, I guess I never really thought of it that way. And he does see other women. Reggie and Aimee especially. He just doesn't like *me* to see other men. In outer world he'd be 78 ya know." Lilly sighed, trying to explain Ian's double standards. "Ian isn't going to take this well, Kate. His is another very delicate soul. The way Mousie treated him nearly destroyed him. I'm a sucker for the down-trodden and that's what first drew me to him. Besides the fact that he's drop dead gorgeous and fabulous in bed. Those two things don't exactly hurt his image either." Lilly knew she should smile, but she didn't feel like it. "But I've got Nicky to think of and he's my top priority. I have to do what's best for him, right?"

Katherine nodded in agreement as she cast a longing look over at the sleeping baby. All the babies she had helped bring into the world had never quite made up for the fact she could never have one of her own. "A woman cannot just think of herself once she has a child, Lilly. That precious bundle of joy over there needs you to be whole and well. If you strive for anything it should be that. The strength will come from within to let go of anything that will keep you from being what that little one needs you to be." A single tear of a lifetime of regret flowed down Katherine's cheek. "Choices are never easy. But they still have to be made. Once you decide for yourself what you really want, then you can go on with your life."

Lilly's own mind reading abilities had kicked in the moment she sensed the shift in Katherine's mood. The sad image of a woman standing with eternally empty arms that flashed across her mind seared her heart. Gently, Lilly took Kate's hand and lead her back over to the playpen where Nicky was beginning to stir from his nap. "I don't think you know this, but when Nicky was baptized, I told all the women of SIMsCity that I wanted them to be his godmothers. All they needed to do to indicate their acceptance of this role was to sign his guest book and put a big GM after their name. If you will allow me, I'd like to perform a little ceremony right now."

Lilly picked Nicky up and kissed him on his tiny nose. The baby boy smiled and opened wide his golden eyes. "Nicholas Caspian Dawson, I would like you to meet your new godmother, Katherine Ann Dixon." With that, she handed the baby to the Immortal. Then stepping back, Lilly closed her eyes and raised her hands. The next moment a soft light enveloped Kate and Nicky as Lilly whispered an ancient prayer of love and binding. For a moment, all Katherine could see was Nicky smiling up at her. It was as if they were encased in a golden egg. Then slowly, the light faded and Kate could see Lilly standing there smiling with them again in the solarium.

Katherine cradled the baby in her arms, singing a soft lullaby to him as tears of joy ran down her face. Nick waved his arms and made funny little gurgling noises. She felt that somehow the child was now a part of her even though she had not given birth to him and it caused her soul to rejoice. She looked up at Lilly, a silent *thank you* written all over her face.

"You are bonded now," Lilly told Kate as if reading her mind again. "More than any other woman in SIMsCity, you and Nicky are now bounded together by spirit and the covenant ritual of the Grigori. If anything happens to me, Katherine, -- and remember, I am half human and so vulnerable like humans -- but if anything happens to me, you will be Nicky's mother. It will be your responsibility to raise him as your own, for in a very real way, he already is. Do you accept this responsibility? If so, the covenant will be sealed. If not, hand him to me, and I will cancel the ritual. Chose wisely. Chose well."

Katherine closed her eyes for a moment, listening to her inner voices for confirmation of what was already in her heart. She opened then up and her face glowed with inner happiness as she smiled at the cooing baby "With all my heart and soul, I accept this responsibility to you little one. Hear that little Nicky? You got two mamas now!!!"